Ah. Our beloved Gears. The most played game in our household. The game that kept us up all night. The game that had my fiancee hooked on video games. So naturally, I did what any Gears fan would do, I went out and bought the Gears Of War Life-Sized Lancer and pre ordered the game. Little did I know that the game we loved would turn out to be as worthless as a bucket of shit.
Here are the top 10 things that kept us screaming at the top of our lungs in disgust, lunging our controllers at our HDTVs in pure rage when tackling the beast known as Gears Of War 2.
10. No “Quit” option when playing multiplayer matches
Maybe someone at Epic should have realized that we still can go to dashboard whenever we please and ofcourse we have the glorious power button. Matches usually go like this : 5 on 5, vote on game type, vote on map, 1 person doesnt like the results and leaves before hes penalized for quitting mid-match, this leaves a lopsided 4-5 game which is totally unwinnable by the less fortunate team. “No Quit” is like walking into McDonald’s, ordering the a triple heart attack with super sized fries and a Diet Coke. Mmmkay..
9. No Continuation After Matches End
You spend 10 minutes searching for a match (more on that later) , selecting game type, map and so forth, then 10 minutes of actual gunfighting. Once the match is decided, you get kicked back to the lobby only to have to redo everything all over again. This is the most idiotic way of keeping us “fair” in ranked matches, there’s really no excuse why we would be made to jump through hoops to play another match.
8. Glitches
It’s really no secret that the first Gears game had its fair share of multiplayer glitches such as the “crab walk”, “weapon slide pickup” and so forth. Well guess what? New Gears means a whole new batch of glitches, from players using a shield while wielding shotguns to shooting through walls its become a shit fest of bullshit. Lucky for me I haven’t encountered alot of it. On to # 7.
7. Spawn Camping
How does it feel to respawn 3-4 times in a row while an enemy shoots you in the face as soon as you appear? This can make you pull your hair out litterally as theres nothing you can do except take his shotgun to the face, if you are a spawn camper and are reading this…f–k you! (Epic has said it will fix this in upcoming patch)
6. Shotgun Who!? Shotgun What!?
Anyone whos played Gears 1 knows that most matches end up as shotgun orgies. Those who have played Gears 2 know that the only good thing a shotty is good for is replacing it with a different weapon. Gears 2 is the only game I know where you can outflank an enemy, approach him cautiously without him ever taking notice, pull up your shotty to the back of his head, pulling the trigger and watching in disbelief as the enemy turns around and shoots you once therefore blowing your chest wide open. I’ll take the blame for this one though, not Epic, I’m the retard trying to sneak up from the rear of an enemies position to try to catch them off guard. What the fuck was I thinking.
5. Chainsaw
This one makes me seethe with anger. You seen an enemy running at you with chainsaw revving ready to cut you into 2 pieces, “stupid noob” you say to yourself as you unleash round after round of bullets into his ches…..wait a minute WTF! he just ran through all your fire and straight chainsawed you! Who’s the noob now bitch!? I guess the jokes on you.
4. Maps
This ones not really mentioned but it should be. I will say that most maps in Gears 1 are classics, hence why they “updated” some 4 of them and brought them into Gears 2, Gridlock, Canals and Mansion are 3 amazing maps and where you’ve had some great memories of battles long gone. Thing is theres something amiss with the Gears 2 maps, they arent memorable, theres too much damn cover in most of them and usually one team has the advantage due to the fact that some maps arent symmetrical. The only map that I really love in Gears 2 is River, who the fuck wants to play Ruins, or Avalanche, Day One, or Jacinto? Anyone else feel me on this one?
3. Grenade Spam Anyone?
Speaking of pulling hair out. Anyone could have seen this one coming, except apparently the boys at Epic. Gears 1 gets released, almost immediately fans are complaning at the top of their lungs about the bullshit that is grenade tagging, more specifically you didnt have to be close to an enemy to tag them with a grenade therefore sending bits and pieces of you flying all over the map. Gears 2 is announced. New feature- tag walls with all grenades! also smoke grenade now knocks enemies out! How many times do I have to play a multiplayer map where every motherfucking crevice, every nook and every fucking crannie has a grenade tagged on it!? Ive spawned 5-6 times in a row only to be killed by a grenade pasted at the spawn exit. Epic, please, for my sanity if youre reading this (yea right) please give us an option to remove grenades completely, at least allow us to remove the ink and frag grenades!
2. Bullet Lag
How many of your have played a match, and shoot, shoot, and do some more shooting and get the feeling your have hit nothing but air even though your aim right at the enemy? In Gears 1, this was a problem with anyone who wasnt the host, in Gears 2 it seems that one team either has the host advantage and the other team cant hit the broadside of a barn. Upon further investigation I’ve recently discovered this might be traced back to being in a party while playing a match, something I do consistently. Well see if this is addressed in the upcoming patch.
1. TERRIBLE Matchmaking
This is it, the #1 reason why Gears Of War 2 MP BLOWS right now. How good can a game be, how good are the maps, how good is the competition if you can’t connect to a match. Sure its not nowhere near as bad as the dreadful and depressing matchmaking of NBA2k9, but lets face it, this game was supposed to be super polished, this is Gears 2 were talking about, after seeing the Halo 3s and the COD4 (which have awesome/stable MP) why is it that Epic cant get it right? Maybe they needed a MP beta as well. Whatever the reasons, theres no damn excuse for having to wait 5-10 minutes to get into a match.
You might disagree with the order or even some of the things on this list, one thing you cant deny though is that as much as it hurts to say Gears Of War 2 is one big clusterfuck, the MP part of it anyways. Ofcourse Im not counting Horde mode, this is the saving grace of Gears 2, seems like im not the only one who thinks so seeing as how Horde is the #1 played mode. A patch is supposed to be out soon, heres hoping they fix the game, till then Epic, dont expect to see this baby go higher than the #4 spot of most played games on Xbox Live.
-MEAHT
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